I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
