we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
