Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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