She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
