I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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