Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
