Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
do herpes really smell.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
