I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
