why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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