I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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