So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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