Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
