I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Drunk is not a location!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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