I wish I could teleport
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
