ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
