nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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