Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
