I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
