You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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