While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
