he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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