I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
