I can't watch pbs sober anymore
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
