we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
