Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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