Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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