one two three fourrrrnication!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
