So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize