"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
