i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
