Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
