She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
