How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
