Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
