Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
