Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
