Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
