OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
