Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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