Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
