I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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