Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
