what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
