Ambien. No doubt about it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
