I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
