I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
