After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I AM VODKA MAN
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
