After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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