my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize