he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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