I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
