she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
