i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize