I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
