This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
