I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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