I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
