Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
