update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
