He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
