theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
