why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
