everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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