I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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