don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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