there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
