White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
