Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
